think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize