a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize