what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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