And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
