you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
