We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
