HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
