i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
