My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
worst night to have a conscience
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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