I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
