last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
