I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
