I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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