it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
