Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
this boner is exhausting
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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