I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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