I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize