i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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