does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
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