He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
