God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
