Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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