no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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