did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
