I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
