If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have peed in a lot of sinks
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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