sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Randomize
