I'm drive I can fine osifer
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
