How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
