need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
