Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
