Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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