K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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