Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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