Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My underwear smells like fireworks.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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