I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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