Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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