i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
