so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
