Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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