This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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