dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why can't burritos get me drunk
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
