He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
