The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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