Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You may now shotgun with the bride
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
