I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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