It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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