I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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