i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
