wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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