not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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