I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
