I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
