I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
