she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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