My room smells like vodka and shame
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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