i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
