maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
