found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
two words: eviction party
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
