i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
