During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
