Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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