I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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