Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
