just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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